Wizard Summer Extravaganza
by Chickenfoot
Summary: So Voldemort's dead. Everything seemed okay, but was it really? Things are heating up for Harry over the summer! Passion, friendship, romance, anger, pumas, lol!
1. A Wild Weasley Breakfast

Wizard Summer Extravaganza

Chapter 1: A Wild Weasley Breakfast

Harry was relieved. Voldemort had finally been vanquished and soundly defeated. The scent of the morning breakfast from Ron's mum's morning breakfast downstairs wafted up through the flimsy floorboards.

"RON!" He shouted excitedly into Ron's sleeping face.

"Geez mate, what was that for?" Ron replied, groggily.

"Your mum's almost done with breakfast! Let's get to it before Ginny gobbles it all up!"

"Yeah, Ginny sure can gobble up mum's morning breakfast!"

Ginny opened the door and peeked in.

"What's that, guys?"

Harry answered, "Were you just standing outside the door or something? What kind of creep just stands outside people's doors listening to their morning banter? And while mum's morning breakfast is warm on the table, no less! At the Dursley's, we got a nice heaping helping of Vernon's mourning pounding! Not Dudley though. Dudley got morning coddles! Oh I miss that old bloke sometimes."

Ginny responded, "Don't be ridiculous, Harry! I was just on my way downstairs to gobble up breakfast!"

Harry and Ron erupted into laughter. Ginny looked on, dumbfounded.

"Hey! What's so funny? What!? Stop laughing!" she cried!

Harry thought Ginny was cute when she was mad. He pranced across the room like a cheerful baker and pecked her on the eyelid. Ron winced a little, but Harry and Ginny were too busy playing leopard attack to notice.

"I'm a leopard, Ginny!"

"Oh no! a big scary leopard! Good thing I have a lance!"

"Nope! The only way to stop this leopard is with KISSES!!"

"Oh no!" Ginny joked and kissed Harry on the forehead four times!

Ron broke in between them, "Quit catting around and let's get some breakfast!"

The gang chuckled, but deep inside Ron was sobbing.

The gang headed downstairs. Mr. Weasley was sitting in his favorite lucky charms boxers at the table as Mrs. Weasley was cooking a fresh batch of mum's morning breakfast on the stove.

Arthur saw the gang and yelled, "GANG! WE'RE EATING MUGGLE STYLE TODAY!"

"Oh," said Ron, and looked at Harry and whispered, "That means breakfast will be EXTRA CRISPY today! Mum can't use a muggle stove to save Dobby's tea cozy!"

The group laughed.

"That's okay, I like breakfast crispy!" said Hermoine.

Ron suddenly fell to the ground, shaking.

"Ron!" yelled Harry and Hermoine together, quickly kneeling down to see what was wrong.

Ron yelled, "uh-oh guys… feels like…. FEELS LIKE…"

"What!?" yelled Hermoine, looking scared!

"…Feels like A COUGAR ATTACK!!" Ron lept up and started gnawing on Hermoine's arm.

"Good thing I have a javelin!" said Hermoine.

"Nu-uh! This Cougar can only be stopped with KISSES!"

"No way, buster!" yelled Hermione playfully. Ron kissed her on the eyelid anyway.

Harry broke between the two, "Guys, I can smell mum's morning breakfast burning! Stop clawing around, you two!"

Arthur said to Mrs. Weasley, "You have to take the food off the stove with muggle cooking! The flames aren't enchanted to stop when it's ready!"

"Oh goodness!" said Mrs. Weasley! "I hope we have a muggle fire anguisher!"

"It's EXTINGUISHER, you buffoon!" exclaimed Hermione.

Around the breakfast table, there was little conversation because everyone was so hungry, and the food was so crispy! Mad-Eye Moody was across the table, especially quiet. When they were all done, Arthur started on the dishes.

"Why don't you let me help with that?" asked Molly Weasley.

"Because a PUMA CAN'T HELP WITH DISHES YOU SILLY BEAST!"

Mrs. Weasley laughed, and tried to lean in to peck Arthur on the forehead, but Arthur was too quick for her, and started swatting at her with a broom!

"Back! Back you wild beast!"

"Hahaha! That's cute Arthur! But the only thing that can stop this Puma are KISSE-"

Arthur jabbed her in the stomach with the bristly end of the broom.

"KIDS, I'M GONNA NEED HELP! THIS ONE'S NOT GOING DOWN!"

The gang looked around at each other uneasily.

"I actually think we're supposed to meet Seamus Finnigan down at the Three Broomsticks pretty soon," Ron said, a little scared. "See you later, Dad."

Mad-Eye belched and put his plate in the sink, and headed upstairs for a nap.

"YOU KIDS ARE GONNA LEAVE ME ALONE WITH A WILD PUMA!? I'M FINISHED!! NO!!"

The gang ran outside and slammed the door behind them.

"Kinda reminds me of you and Hermione, sir Weasley!" Harry joked boisterously while embracing Ginny.

"Hey! We're not nearly as bad as you and my sister!" retorted Ron.

"Yeah, but we don't play cat attack in front of your parents and give them ideas!"

"Well I'm sick of you two playing cat attack in front of ME! I don't even like seeing you two together," said Ron

Harry looked shocked. "What's THAT supposed to mean, bloke?"

"It means exactly what I said! It's weird seeing my best friend and sister snogging right in front of me just two feet away! And I don't think you make a very ferocious leopard either!"

"WHAT!?" yelled Harry.

Hermione broke in between them, "ALRIGHT guys, calm down! We're just going out to have some fun."

Ron and Harry cooled off, but Harry felt that this was not the end of the matter.


	2. Detour to Rural Scotland

Chapter 2: Detour to Rural Scotland

So the gang set off for the Three Broomsticks. One by one they apparated and felt the blackness pressing in around them, consuming their wiggly, apparating bodies. Harry still hadn't quite the gotten the hang of it yet, so he had to hold on to Ginny's elbow to apparate.

"Hey bloke! What're you holding me sister's elbow for?" Ron asked.

"I can't apparate on my own!" yelled Harry. "I need a nice, freckled Weasley 'bow to guide me!"

"If you don't let go I'll put your rump in a dumpster!" shouted Ron.

"You want me to get splinched!? Do you want half of me to end up in some dangerous other dimension? And after I saved you all from the Dark lord voldy no less!!"

Harry and Ginny landed alone in a corn patch in rural Scotland.

"Where are we, Ginny? I thought we were going to the Three Broomsticks!" Harry exclaimed.

"Oh I thought you said rural Scotland!!" Ginny responded, slapping herself on the forehead!

"Why would we be going to rural Scotland, my little Ginaroo?"

"I'M GINROY!! ….Ginroy! ………..Ginroy."

"Well can't you just apparate us to the Three Broomsticks now that we know where we're going?"

"Actually Harry, I haven't told anyone this, but the only place I can apparate to is rural Scotland. I really thought I had it this time, but rural Scotland is the only place I can picture clearly enough in my noggin. You see Harry, when I was just a young strapping lass, my great uncle Newton used to fly me out to the Scottish countryside on his magic polyester kilt of despair. One day, the magical kilt got out of control while we were flying atop it, and hurtled me into the cornfields, where I had to subsist off of foul Scottish corn for a month. One of those mornings, I awoke to find I was being trampled by a flock of sheep. Oh how they Baaa'd. Actually Harry, every time I look at you, I see those sheep coming right at me! It's like being 7 again! Oh that dreaded memory, how it plagues me! Harry, why must you be so sheepy!? I COULD HAVE LOVED YOU! We could have been together. We could have started a life with each other, you and me against the world."

"Wait, Ginny, calm down. You don't love me anymore?"

"No Harry, I do. But we're like a boat on the stormiest of seas. The waves are a-rockin' the boat, and it's like how many of these can you take? How many times can I wake up to a flock of sheep smiling at me, looking into my eyes! You have a wild heart, Harry, but the demeanor of a flock of the woolliest sheep in all Scotland. I can't go on living this way any longer. I must leave you here in this field with your brethren."

"Well, how are you going to get anywhere?" asked Harry. "I thought you could only apparate to-"

But before Harry had even finished blabbering, Ginny turned on the spot and was gone.

Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione were with Seamus Finnagan, waiting for Ginny and Harry.

"Where ever could they be?" asked Hermoine.

"They'll be here. I'LL HAVE A GORDO'S GHASTLY GRAPEADE!!" Ron yelled as Rosmerta the waitress passed by.

Ginny appeared right outside the door, and stumbled into the bar like a tipsy gopher in mid-June.

"GINNY!" yelled Seamus, who secretly had a crush on Ginny, unbeknownst to the rest of the gang. "Where have you guys been? Where's Harry?"

Ginny looked upset. "Oh it was terrible, guys. Harry came at me with those big sheepy eyes, that wooly smile!! I had to get away. I left him amongst the corn with his brethren where he belongs. He'll be happier this way."

"Wait," said Ron, "You left him in a cornfield in rural Scotland? He got his apparating permit taken away for accidentally merging with Cornelius Fudge, and he can hardly do it anyways! How is he going to get-"

"Ah yes, I'LL HAVE A BARDO'S BABBLING BLUEBERRADE!!" yelled Ginny as Rosmerta came back with Ron's drink.

"Right," said Hermione. "Let's get to business. We came here to figure out how to stop Neville. This is going to be tough."  
"I'm still a little skeptical," said Ron. "Neville wouldn't hurt a fly. In fact, one time he cast the Cruciatus curse on me for killing a fly!"

Hermione didn't look convinced. "Well, wait until you hear what I read in the Daily Prophet today!"


	3. McGraggin

Chapter 3: McGraggin

Back in rural Scotland, Harry was enjoying a nice nap amongst the sheep when he was awakened suddenly by the sheepdogs herding him and his brethren back into their cozy stables. Farmer McGraggin was standing by the gate, seeing his sheep in. Harry thought he might be able to trick the bloke and he headed in with the flock. When he tried to pass Farmer McGraggin, he was kicked in the shins.

"BOY WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ON THIS FINE FARM IN RURAL SCOTLAND!?"

Harry stuttered, "Magic kilt… ginroy… !!" He didn't know where to start.

"WAIT A MINUTE! Aren't you that Potter guy?"

Harry covered his scar with the nearest sheep.

The farmer continued. "Oh we should have stopped you a long time ago! I was one of Voldemort's most trusted servants! Raising the finest sheep in all wizardom- NAY!! In all of RURAL SCOTLAND!! – to be used for his dark purposes! Or dark CLOAKS- even as he liked them BLACK AS HIS SOUL! Oh how many sheep I have sheared and how much wool I have dyed for Voldy!! But one fateful day, the boy who lived came to my farm and set my sheep free into the rural Scottish ruralands farms. I searched high and low for 36 minutes before I reclaimed each and every one! BUT NOT before I was severely punished by Voldemort for my incompetence! Oh you'll pay, Mr. Potter, you'll pay the price of the Scottish rural country bard-rural!"

Harry shouted, "I've never been here before in my life you crazy bard-rural! Look I'm sorry about your sheep but that must've been some other boy who liv-"

"ARE YOU CALLIN' ME A LIAR, BOY!? I KNOW A LIVING BOY WHEN I SEE ONE!!"

Harry knew he had to think quick, so he concocted a brilliant scheme. He cast the imperius curse on one of the farmer's sheep, Linda. She suddenly trotted over and yelled, "FARMER MCGRAGGIN I AM THE BOY WHO LIVED!! I AM HARRY POTTER! I USED THIS BOY AS A DIVERSION SO I COULD FINALLY SHEAR THE WOOL OF YOUR SHAME!! NOW SEE WHAT I HAVE DONE WHILE YOU WERE DISTRACTED BY THIS MERE BOY-WHO-DID-NOT-LIVE-AT-ALL!"

Harry took the opportunity while the farmer was looking away to open the gate and let all the sheep free!

Farmer McGraggin looked and saw his sheep escaping and yelled in shock!  
"NO!!"

Harry ran as fast as he could and didn't look back.

Seamus's palms were sweating underneath the table. Ginny's sparkly girl-eyes had entranced him and her fine red hairs shone in the dim lamplight like the bald heads of the finest goblins in the vaults of Gringott's! He had liked her for so long. It was all he could do not to snog her right and then! But Seamus knew the time of Finnagan had not yet come, though it was indeed close at hand. All he needed was Harry out of the picture, and he was… for the time being. He only hoped that the crazy wizard farmer McGraggin would best Harry where Voldemort had failed! He'd only heard whispers of a McGraggin, but he had a strong feeling in his gut, and a wizard gut is not something to be lightly toyed with!

"But who would do such a thing?" Hermoine asked Ron, who had been talking about a recent incident in the Griffindor common room.

"I don't know, but the whole place was burning like the inside of a dragon with acid reflux who just ate a vat of jalepeno chimichangas coated in melted atomic fireball candies topped with a heaping helping of molten lava coated with a nice thick layer of mum's morning chili…. with sprinkles…. and maybe a marshmallow or two. But one of those small ones. Yeah probably about two of the small ones. Definitely not one of those big ones though."

"That's awful! Okay we have to put our heads together to figure out who's behind this. You don't think it could have been the Malfoys, do you?" Hermoine inquired.

"Ginny have I ever told you that your tender forearms shine like the finest wool of farmer McGraggin's most supple sheep?

There was a long silence at the table.

"…No. No you haven't told me that one, Seamus." Ginny answered, a little frightened and confused.

Hermoine tried to pick the discussion back up, "So right… the Malfoys. Lucius has been bitter ever since the fall of Voldemort. I know he hasn't given up his old ways. Even without someone commanding him, his heart's still just as black as Voldemort's robes, made from the finest wool of farmer McGraggin's sheep."

Ron was skeptical. "I think it was professor Sprout! Godric Griffindor always hated plants."

"Ginny what's your type sweet pea? Are you by any chance a FANAGIN?!" Seamus inquired.

Ginny was really uncomfortable now. "What's that…?"

"Oh you know, a FAN of FINNIGANS. Would you like to come sheer some of McGraggin's sheep sometime with me, little Ginster?"

All of a sudden, something in Ginny longed for the Finnigan like she had never longed before in her short, sweet, supple, red-headed life. She knew she had to have his Finnigan love all to herself and she lightly and finniganingly snogged him right there and then.

Finnigan stood on the table, embracing Ginny with his Finnigarms! He shouted from the heart, "FFFFFFIIIIINNNNIIIGGGGAAANN!!" The time of Finnigan had at last come, Ginny was his, and Harry had most certainly been vanquished by someone he was pretty sure existed.

The guests at the Three Broomsticks were both frightened and confused. Seamus loomed over them all, standing victorious atop the table.

Hermoine quarreled, "How can you do that to Harry, Finnagan? He's out there fighting for his life in rural Scotland while you're in a warm pub stealing his Ginny!? You're despicable!"

Finnigan ignored her and spoke to Ginny warmly, "Now my little Ginster let's away to the Finnigan Estate where I will lock you in my kitchen to cook my Ginlicious delights!"

At that moment, the door to the Three Broomsticks burst open and the boy who lived sprinted into the room, full of vigor!


	4. UH OH!

Harry 4

"WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!!"

And with that, the doors flew open and Harry rushed in, looking on edge.

At that moment, everything in Seamus's life came crashing down. For one moment he had everything he wanted, and now the boy who lived was coming to take it from him!!

Hermione's mouth hung wide open in shock. Ron stifled a yelp and hid his face in his blueberrade. Ginny snapped out of her adoration when she realized that Seamus's Lucky Lady Finigcharms that she had been charmed with were not really that sumptuous after all. As a matter of fact, they kind of just tasted like dried oats with shrunken marshmallows in milk.

Harry had a look of PURE rage. His normally green eyes reflected the RED of the ANGER in his HEART!! Smoke billowed from his ears!! His cloak flapped around in the mighty winds of his vexation!! His scar seemed to pulse beneath his untidy mess of hair! His chin quivered with a rage only McGraggin could ever know after spending 36 hours chasing his sheep across the vast Scottish Ruralands Farms!!

Ginny didn't know what had come over her. She only hoped Harry would take her back. She felt burning hot tears well in her eyes and broke free of Seamus's finnigrasp.

The customers watched on anxiously. After Harry taught voldy boy a lesson, everyone knew you didn't mess with the boy who lived (Harry)!

Ron knew this wasn't going to end well, and decided it was time to unleash the Weasley within. He quickly transfigured. His arms grew out to an abnormal length and became COVERED with orange hair. His lips puckered out strangely, his legs became hobbly and short. His belly burst forth. His eyes became black and beady. His entire body was becoming covered with orange hair! ORANGUTANSLEY WAS AT HAND! He ran to Harry to restrain him, but spotted Rosmerta making a banana bludgeon blast and the sweet aroma of the peel opening, the banana scent wafting through the air, caressing his nasal cavity, was too much for him to resist!!

"Be careful Ron. You haven't had a banana in two years." He thought to himself.

"ORANGURON WANT 'NANERS!!" shouted 'Ranguron inside his head.

"Don't you remember what happened last time you had a banana!? Get a grip!"

But Ron's willpower was not enough. He bounded towards Rosmerta.

Seamus knew how much Ginny meant to Harry. He would be extremely fortunate to make it out alive after the pain he knew Harry was going to inflict on him. His heart was racing in his chest. Ginny looked just as worried and no one in the pub dared utter a sound!

Harry's whole body was shaking with the deepest rage they had ever seen. Small children fainted at the very sight. Grown men quivered! Teenagers had never seen such angst!! OH IT WAS A SIGHT TO BE SEEN!!

Harry opened his mouth, and you could feel everyone straining to catch his words!! The foul scent of farmer McGraggin's finest foulest sheep food billowed out of his gaping mouth, but no one said anything for fear for their lives!! Harry yelled,

"DID I MISS THE NEW HAZELNUT BUTTERBEER, 2 FOR 1, 3 O' CLOCK SPECIAL!?"

Everyone in the pub looked at each other in terror, then turned anxiously to face the clock, fearful of what it may read!


	5. Special Wanton Playplace

4:06! 4-0-6! FOUR OH SIXXx!!x!x!X1X1X!!!!!!!!! That is what the clock read!!!!!!!!!

Hermoine put her hand on Harry's strong arm, "It's over, Harry."

Finnigan and Ginny looked at each other uncomfortably. Had they not incurred Harry's wrath? Even Ron looked on while devouring Rosmerta's favorite lucky bananas.

Harry's heart sunk into the low depths of his strong chest. Harry had never felt like this before. Tears escaped from below the rims of his glasses as he covered his face. In his shame, he cried out, "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!" and promptly fled to the tavern's playplace, where he buried himself in the Bernie Botts' Every Color Ball Pit.

"Harry!" Ron yelled between bites, "There's the FOUR o' clock special! It's the Wacky Admiral Wanton's Worst Wizard Water! It's 3 for 1 the whole hour!"

"I DON'T WANNA. I'M ALLERGIC TO THE GENERAL'S VILE LIQUID!"

At this point Hermione felt it necessary to bring something to Harry's attention. "Harry, did you not notice Seamus and Ginny are embracing in a passionate embrace? How do you feel about this?"

Harry lifted his noggin from beneath the bally mass and looked back into the pub and laid eyes on Ginny and Seamus.

"I see what's going on here," said the boy who lived, quivering with rage as he emerged from the balls.

Ginny panicked, "Harry, please. I don't know what came over me… you're still the only wizard for this red headed beauty!"

Harry made his way towards the treacherous duo. He smacked the drink out of Ginny's hand. The glass shattered on the cobbly pub floor with a deafening PSHCCHLSHSH!!!!

"I never thought I'd live to see this day! You're not going to miss that

drink, are you Ginny? Because I see your second butterbeer is on the counter right next to you!!!!! SO THE BOY WHO LIVED DOESN'T GET THE SPECIAL BUT THIS RED-HEADED WENCH DOES!???"

Harry stepped over to the counter and swiped everyone's drinks onto the ground in one furious swipe!

"Harry, we can explain!" Ginny shouted. "We were HERE between 3 and 4. We got here at 3:46 to be precise. And you, Harry, got here at 4-OH-6. So you see, it's not a matter of favorites or anything to be taken personally. It's just the way the special works."

"But I was only 6 minutes late! I was in the ruralands Scotland's farms dreaming of this 2 for 1 special and now those dreams have been crushed indefinitely!"

"Harry, can't you just wait until tomorrow?"

"After I milked the foul Scottish sheep to make my own butterbeer for years!?? I have waited long enough! I didn't even get a special on those, unless you count the ONE FOR SIX SPECIAL!!! AND THAT'S NOT SPECIAL AT ALL!!!!"

Rosmerta chimed in, "Actually Harry that special sounds pretty special if I do say so myself. We never heard of such a special so to us that's pretty special."

Oranguron began hacking and spitting. He was choking on one of Rosmerta's unlucky least favorite bananas!

Hermione saw Ron in his distress. She exclaimed, "There's only one person who can save Ron now!"

Harry forgot all about his rage and his face grew somber. "You mean… him?"

"Yes," said Hermione. "The Doc. Wacky Admiral Wanton himself. We better get started setting up a summoning charm. Ron could be gone in a matter of minutes! I need four ice cubes and two lizards NOW! Preferably the purple kind."

At this point, who burst into the pub but none other than FARMER MCGRAGGIN HIMSELF!

"HE'S REAL!" shouted Finnigan and Neville. "IT'S MCGRAGGIN!"

"YES IT'S ME!" shouted the Scotsman. "And I've come to teach the boy who may or may not have lived a little lesson about what living's all about!" He started hurling sheep at Harry with all his strength!

"How did you even get here?" asked Hermione, trying to distract the disgruntled ruralman.

"The same way your boy got here, little lassy!"

"…and how exactly did he get here?"

Ron continued choking while trying to eat another banana.

Harry shouted as he dodged hurtling sheep, "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU! I JUST WANNA LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THE BOY I'VE ALWAYS BEEN DEEP DOWN INSIDE MYSELF DEEP DOWN!"

Hunching over to pick up another sheep, McGraggin noticed Oranguron in the corner, and was taken aback like a fresh crab rangoon in mid spring. He ran over to investigate.

"What a beautiful coat this fine oranguman has! When I was a mere oranguboy I didn't have an orange hair to call my own. Not one to call McGraggin. Not one to sheer from the fine body of McGraggin. I must sheer this specimen! Besides, his hair will grow back even FINER and ORANGYIER than before! What's this? This fine boy is choking! I cannot let such a beautiful orangubeauty die!"

"Don't bother," said Hermione. "This is an advanced case of animagi post-transfiguration asphyxiation syndrome of unlucky least favorite bananas of certain doom! The only one who could get him out of this pickle is-"

"Let me guess," said McGraggin while stroking Ron's orangumane. "WACKY ADMIRAL WONTON!?" With this, he threw off his traditional Scottish garb, revealing the finest robes of a doctor made from the finest foulest polyester in all of rural Scotland!

"Yes this humble ruralands exterior is only part of my true identity. Before I became a farmer I had a medical degree in rescuing Orangutans from unlucky least favorite bananas. However, the times had changed and Orangutans learned to chew their food more thoroughly and I was out of a job, so I took a new identity in my shame and pursued my other love… the wool of my very own sheep! And now that my time has come once again, I can cast off this McMask-in of McGrask-in! I feel so free!"  
With that, he bounded out of the pub, his sheep following.

Harry saw Ginny and Finnigan's embrace and yelled, "Hey! None of that! C'mere my redheaded ball of Ginsley!"

Ginny's face lit up as she bounded towards her living boy. "Oh Harry I'm sorry, as I've been saying, I don't really like Finnigan that way. I actually don't like him at all. I just liked his fine finigarms for a few seconds there."

Harry nodded understandingly. "I myself have found myself cradled within those arms many times. So what were we all meeting here to discuss today?"

Ron was turning purple and feeling woozy.

"Neville," said Hermione. "Let's get out of here and I'll fill you in on the way to the Briar Brushlands Bog."

"Aw that place smells bad and is full of Briars!" complained Harry as they exited the The Three Broomsticks.

Ron, thinking quickly, transfigured back to human form, and coughed up the banana bit. "Yeah! That place smells like my Aunt Muriel's dress robes soup soufflé!" he yelled as he ran to catch up.

"Like it or not," said Hermione, "It's where we've just gotta go if we want to be successful in our Neville encounter!"


	6. Bog Tromping and Honeysuckles

And so the gang made their way to the Briar Brushlands Bog. It was a fine bog, full of bog and mud. Oh yes, and some trees too, and probably an alligator or three. And some mosquitoes.

Ron whined, "Spill the beans, beankeeper! Why are we in this foul place? I'm up to my knees in bogwater! I haven't been this wet since Aunt Muriel sneezed on me last June!"

"There's no time to explain, Ron!" said Hermione sweetly as she tenderly clasped his hand in both of hers. They leisurely strolled through the vast boglands.

Ginny and Harry had rekindled their old fiery flame, the whole Finigastomy had made their measly bond even more powerful. Ginny's hair shone brighter and more gingerly than it had ever shone before to Hairy's wandering eyes! The fine hue of the bog complimented her features like sandstone and socks!

"GINNEHGLAH B M'GINNY!" whispered Harry softly into Ginny's ear, spitting on her face a little bit. Ginny didn't really notice because of the humidity of the bog, which caused her to perspire excessively.

"Oh Harry, you do have a way with whispers. They flow from your tongue like honey from a suckle! A yellow one. Or a white one. Actually, I'm pretty sure those are the only two colors they exist in. Aunt Muriel once told me she tried to eat the honey from one of them suckles when she was a strapping young lass, but was instead attacked by a swarm of bees! She had to jump into a nearby bog to shake them off her honey-sucking tail! Maybe that's why she smells so bad to this very day, my Harry-poo-a-roo! We Weasleys have always said, "Don't go near the Honeysuckle bushes or you'll have to jump into a bog and wind up smelling just like Aunt Muriel!"

"Ginny, why are you Weasleys always referencing your old Aunt Muriel? Any time you say anything you wind up back with an ole' Muriel tale. It makes our mushy teen talk awkard and I'm beginning to think you don't have any personality a- "

"Harry I remember the first time I kissed you under that Hogwartian moon! All I could think about when I was kissing you was my Aunt Muriel kissing my tender young head as a mere child! And when you held me in those arms of yours, it felt just like I was back in the warm embrace of ole' Aunt Muriel! Protecting my young red locks from a swarm of bees! Harry tell me right now, would you pick me up and throw me in this bog right now if the bees struck?"

Ginny looked into Harry's eyes pleadingly for reassurance from her boy-who-lived.

Harry looked back knowingly into Ginny's gaze.

"When the time is right, you will find out for yourself my GINNEHGLEHBRNGHH M'GINNEH!"

Yes things were back to normal between Ginny and Harry at long last.

Ron ignored his sister and his sister's …bf. You know, Harry. He was growing impatient and tried pleading with Hermione again.

"Hermione. I really feel like we're looking for something very important in this bog. Why else would we be tromping through this bog? What do I look like to you, some kind of bog-tromper? Explain yourself!"

Hermione explained, "Ronston M'Ronneh. Tonight we are on a quest for something elemental in our battle against Neville. The last time I talked to Neville before he began his strange plottings, he mentioned traveling here to go bog-tromping!"

Ron was skeptical, "Hermione, what kind of clue is this? We have no idea what we're even tromping for in this bog!"

"Well let's just say I have a hunch, my Ronny!" Hermione responded.

Ron agreed. "Okay, let's."

Then in unison, they proudly exclaimed "I HAVE A HUNCH, M'RONNY!"

Harry piped up, "Don't be so loud, you belligerent bog- trompers! You'll wake up the bees."

Ginny complained, "This honeysuckle will not relinquish its honey delights! I have been working on this one for quite a long while now!"

Harry took the honeysuckle from Ginny abrasively, "That's because you're not doing it right! You see you have to pop it in your mouth and chew it like a candy!"

Ron stopped Harry, and took the honeysuckle from him. "No, you grab the tip of the stem, then pull so the pistel retracts down into the flower, taking the honey with it. Let me just- HEY! THIS HONEYSUCKLE IS ROUND AND HARD! IT DOESN'T HAVE A PISTEL OR A STEM OR EVEN A STAMEN! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SUCKLE ITS HONEY!?"

Hermione smacked her forehead in disappointment. "Fella's, maybe you're having so much trouble because that honeysuckle isn't a honeysuckle at all! It's not even a plant! It's Neville's Remembrall!"


	7. In Farm's Way

In the Middle of Farm's Way

So the gang set off to stop Neville from burning another farm! They headed to the exact coordinates on Hermione's Mystical Map of Marauding Malicious Malactivity of Neville Longbottom.

"Guys," said Harry. "This farm looks pretty FARMiliar!"

"I agree!" said Hermione, "This place is a little too FARMiliar for my liking!"

"I sense trouble," said Ron. "I hope we don't end up in FARM'S way!"

The gang burst out laughin'! But it was quickly silenced when Ginny spoke up.

"Yeah! I hope that there's no WOLF in SHEEP'S CLOTHING here!!!"

In unison, the gang furrowed their brows and turned to face Ginny.

"This is no time for jokes you red-headed beauty!" said Harry. "Especially not terrible ones!"

At this point the sheep began to shout with excitement!  
"It's Harry! Harry's back to free us! Let us out of this wooden prison of planks and fence!"

Harry then realized why this place looked so farmiliar! It was the very farm of FARMER MCGRAGGIN!

Ron asked, "Harry, do you know these wooly beasts?"

"Yes," Harry responded. "I do. But there's no time to explain! I'm sure Neville will be here any minute! We must lie in wait for his arrival!"

"Also," chimed in Mad Eye Moody,"McGraggin could spot us at any minute! We don't want to face him again! Who knows what kind of terrible tangents this story will take when farmer McGraggin comes around!?"

"You're very right," said Ron. "Okay, I think I see a spot we can all fit in behind that stack of wooden crates and sheep feed!"

So the gang ran to their hiding spot and began to wait.

"What are we going to do when Neville gets here, guys?" asked Ginny.

"Don't worry, I have a plan." Responded Hermione. "Just follow my lead!"

Then suddenly, a booming Scottish voice burst forth!

"OH I'LL FOLLOW YOUR LEAD, LASSIE!"

Ron, Ginny and Hermione whipped around in terror! There could only be one man on this Scottish ruralands bard-rural with that voice! They had been spotted by MCGRAGGIN!

Harry cleared his throat. "Oh sorry guys, I was just working on my McGraggin impersonation. What did you think?"

"Harry! You scared us to death! If McGraggin shows up we're gonna waste another 3 chapters on some awful sideplot! We don't have that much time left! Our printer's almost out of toner!"

"Excuse me," Harry responded sarcastically. "I wasn't aware this is a no happiness or horseplay kind of adventure. But I guess I should've expected that when we decided to take you along you WET BLANKET!"

The gang did not notice the sheep fleeing their burning pens in the near distance.

"Hey! Don't talk to Hermione that way, Harry!" Shouted Ron. "We should be serious right now! Neville could be here any minute!"

"Don't talk to Harry that way, Ron!" Yelled Ginny! "As a matter of fact, don't talk to him EVER! HE'S MINE!!! MINE I SAY!!!!!"

The barn was burning down right beside their hiding spot, and the heat from the flames finally grabbed their attention.

"What!? NO!!!" Yelled Harry! "We're too late! Neville's here and getting to work on this farm already!"

Hermione was calm. "It's okay. This can still work. I see Neville 'rounding that far corner. Remember, follow my lead!"

With that she grabbed one of the nearby sacks and ran off, the gang following close behind.

The gang crossed the threshold of the barn, ran past the giant doors and rounded the corner in hot pursuit (get it? 'cause there's a fire!).

Ron cried, "I can't see anything! The flames are already too high!"

But soon the gang heard a hearty, cold laugh, and Neville emerged from the flames!

"You thought you could stop me! Soon Ron Weasley's likeness will be burned into the fields of Europe forever! Why am I doing this, you might ask? You see, once-"

Neville was cut short by Hermione clocking him with a bag of sheep feed! The sheep could smell a freshly burst bunch of din-din and came running to the feast! Neville quickly regained consciousness, but was pinned down by the many sheep feeding on the feed on his body!

"You'll pay for this, you bog-trompers!" Neville shouted.

"Neville, I think you could use THIS!" said Ginny, shoving the remembrall into Neville's mouth!

Neville relaxed and started convulsing. He was beginning to remember who he really was! But the gang was not in the clear just yet. They heard the loud crash of hefty footsteps and a yell, "Y'TRICKY KIDS! YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS!?!?"


End file.
